Photography: Alpima
Happy New Year, lovely readers! As I think my last post demonstrated, 2011 was a hectic year in my life, but it was also a year in which I learnt an awful lot about feminism and met some truly wonderful, inspirational feminists (the wonderful people at Eaves - especially the amazing Poppy women I met there, tenderhooligan, Kate Smurthwaite, MadamJMo, smeaters, Matt McCormack Evans, Kat Banyard, Cath Elliott, Laurie Penny, Mediocre Dave and Warwick Anti-Sexism Society, to name a few.)
2012 is set to be another intense year. I’ve never been big on New Year’s resolutions as such, but my enormously terrifying and exciting plans for this year include graduating, moving to London, visiting two new continents, plus a couple of others which for now remain top secret! As well as passing my exams, finding myself something to do next and seeing a bit more of the world, I have of course got some feminist resolutions for 2012…
Write more
I spent a lot of 2011 promising myself that I’d blog more about feminism “when I find time.” Obviously, no one ever “finds time” – there are never enough hours in the day and in the final year of a degree there are always other things I should or could be doing. So, instead of waiting for these magical moments of spare time that never crop up, I resolve to take sensible breaks from the endless reading, translating and essay-writing, to make more time dedicated to blogging about the issues that matter to me.
Meet more feminists
Twitter feminists are great for always being there, but real life feminists are even better. I hope to meet many more of you this year for conferences, rants, protests, hugs and much, much more drunken feminist dancing.
Have more difficult conversations
One of the reasons writing has always been so important to me is because I express myself far more eloquently on paper than verbally. I’m shy, I have a very small voice, and I mostly hate confrontation, so I’m a terrible feminist when it comes to having those awkward conversations with non-feminists and even worse when it comes to having those difficult debates with anti-feminists. This year I’m going to work on calling people out in the real world and responding to tricky questions without spluttering, mumbling and looking at my feet.
Be a better role model
There are two very special little girls in my life who are very keen on the idea of me getting married as soon as possible and want to be like me so they can “dye their hair and get their ears pierced”. They’re at an age where they’re very quickly growing into little women and learning what it means to be female – pink, makeup, boys, sexy dancing, marriage and, of course, babies. I’d like to show them how much more life has to offer.
Empathy with much of what you said. As you are aware, even talking with other feminists can be difficult when there are significant differences. It’s odd but true that people usually don’t value differences–at best, they tolerate them. Yet, what would we be without difference? What you said about voice is important, too…especially if someone else has a “powerful” voice, it is tempting to want to shout back. Understandable, no? But of course the best communication is given without strain, thoughtfully, and hopefully with some mutual open-heartedness. Thanks for your reflections.
Thanks for your comment
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I made the list! How did I not see this before!? I feel very proud right now!
Re. the awkward conversations: I’m not so shy, as you know, but I, too, find it quite difficult to have those discussions with non-feminists. I don’t particularly like confrontation either (believe it or not!) and I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation like that without it ending in some sort of confrontation. When I do discuss those issues, I’m nearly always on the receiving end of: (1) you’re very angry, aren’t you; (2) but I’m not like that; (3) but you can’t change it anyway; (4) but why is it so important; (5) don’t you think you’re over-thinking things a little; (6) this is a night out/ party/ [insert social gathering] so it doesn’t matter here; (7) but it’s just because of what you do – the world’s not really like that; (8) but you’re doing OK for yourself so what’s the problem; (9) surely you’re just being a bit sensitive, etc. etc. etc. Right now, I feel very discouraged from having any such conversations with a non-feminist (and/ or patriarchy-denier) again because I’ve not felt happy at all after those I have had recently (so, well silenced, I know).
I will come around again but it does dishearten me that I have had those conversations with people I assumed were allies (or at the very least understanding of the problem) only to find they were not at all.
Of course you made the list! Although we’ve been chatting for so long that it seems weird to think I only met you IRL less than a year ago.
All those comments are very familiar – it’s horrible and disheartening, especially when it’s with people you know and like! I can’t imagine it ever being easy.
I know! It’s so funny to think of that – I do feel like I’ve known you for years!
I don’t think it will ever be easy either. It’s the discomfort associated with the words feminist or feminism. Even if we’re not asking people to assume that identity or to support any sort of movement, they recoil as if we’d just threatened a new-born kitten. There’s nothing to suggest that that will change, alas (particularly with the likes of Dorries muddying the feminist waters with all her nonsense).