Relationships were a pretty big theme of my work in October – from looking at the minefield of boy-girl friendships when you’re a teenager, to picking apart the complexities of dating, monogamy, and family planning in the modern world.
“What I wish I knew about fertility in my twenties” – for Cosmopolitan UK (online)
Nothing makes you feel old quite like reaching that point in your late 20s when, all around you, friends start to have babies. Gorgeous, gurgling, smiling babies, with soft skin and big, curious eyes you could drown in. But as much as I go gooey over the tiny outfits and the baby powder scent, the fact that my friends – people my age – are producing children also fills me with panic and dread.
It’s not that I don’t like the idea of being a mum – one day – but right now I’m still so focussed on everything else in my life: building my career, travelling, getting a bit more life experience behind me. I’ve been happily married for more than three years, which for some people is enough to make me “ready”, but it just doesn’t feel like the right time.
Do You Need A Relationship Gap Year? – for Grazia Daily
Most of us know someone who’s had a dramatically transformative breakup experience: left their partner, quit their job, travelled the world, started their own business, taken up an outrageous hobby, got a tattoo, found religion, or some other life-changing new pursuit. There’s something about coming out of a long-term relationship – once you’ve passed the moping with ice cream phase – that really seems to ignite a spark and fuel people’s passions.
But what if you could find that energy for self-discovery without a breakup? What if we took inspiration from the student backpackers and career sabbatical takers, and just had a ‘relationship gap year’ every now and then? That’s just one of the questions posed by comedian and author Rosie Wilby in her new book Is Monogamy Dead?: Rethinking Relationships in the 21st Century. We sat down with Rosie to talk about love, sex, fidelity, and how to fix our troubled modern relationship with monogamy.
Rosie’s book is the end result of her trilogy of comedy shows exploring just how complicated dating and relationships have become. ‘I think monogamy is harder these days,’ she says. ‘Dating, monogamy, marriage, even the labels people give themselves in terms of gender or sexual orientation – it’s all so complex now. There are so many different ideas about who we are, and I think ultimately we’re in quite complex times for settling down.’
How to actually be just good friends with a boy – for Betty
Let’s talk about boys. Honestly, sometimes it can feel like they’re on a totally different planet but, the older I get, the more I appreciate the loyal, funny, caring (and occasionally totally stupid) guys in my life.
My first ever best friends were both boys, so I guess I had a bit of a head start. As soon as you start school though, the gender stereotypes kick in hard. You’re told “girls do this”, “boys do that”, and so neat little same-sex friendship circles form around netball vs. football, dance vs. cricket (what a load of BS, we know).
By the time you’re a teenager, those separate groups are pretty well established – and then being just good friends with a boy gets reeeeally complicated by silly gossip, hormones, and unfortunate crushes.
But the thing about boys is they’re not actually as different from us as they might sometimes seem. Forget pretty much all rom-coms, and the rubbish you’ve been told about how boys and girls can never really be “just good friends”. They totally can, and why the hell shouldn’t they?